Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Andrew's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, March 28th, 2010
12:37 am	Ugh. I have a new least favorite beer. Move on over, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and make room for MGD 64! So tonight at work, I did my usual heavy drinking bit, during work and immediately after. Caught a ride home with a friend of mine, felt like drinking more beers. My friend had a case of MGD 64 in her trunk. I drank this beer and it actually MADE ME MORE SOBER. I don't know how that works. I had a great buzz going, and after pounding two of these things I feel completely stone sober. I looked the damn stuff up on the internet and found out it has only 2.8% alcohol. I am so very, very angry right now. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 14th, 2009
11:09 pm	Jim Carroll is dead and everybody on my Facebook friendslist is posting "RIP Patrick Swayze" over and over again. Don't get me wrong, Road House was pretty good, but the guy who wrote The Book of Nods is dead. Dude who wrote the freaking Basketball Diaries. Dude who sang Love Crimes. Bummer. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 8th, 2009
2:48 am	Huh. So I guess I haven't updated this in a billion years. I live in America again. I'm unemployed. I stay up until 6 AM every night 'cause I have the insomnias, sleep until noon, and then look for jobs. I like the beer but I miss the food in Thailand. I hang with my buddies, play some video games. I look at a lot of Internet porn. I guess that's about it. I may start spending more time on LiveJournal because I've given up the Facebook for now. Honestly I'm bored as hell late nights but I can't sleep. Everybody post something awesome or I'll shank your pets. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 28th, 2009
4:59 pm	In the United States, kids bringing guns to school is a big problem. In Thailand, this isn't the case. Kids in Thailand can't afford guns, so they have to carve shivs out of popsicle sticks. The more you know! (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 8th, 2009
11:20 am	Eff all of this, I'm going to Laos It's 11:20 in the afternoon. I'm sitting in a small internet cafe in Nongkhai, Northeastern Thailand, right across the Mekong from Laos. I got into town at 6 AM this morning, after sleeping through most of the ten hour bus ride from Bangkok. Shaking off the tuk-tuk drivers at the bus station, I sat down for a hearty breakfast of rice and pig leg. As I walked along the riverfront, I was met with nothing but closed shopfronts, monks making their morning rounds, and the occasional jogger. Sunday mornings are lazy the world over, I suppose. After having walked the entire length of the town, perhaps two kilometers, I rented a bicycle. Just outside of town was something I wanted to see. The Sala Gaew Gu statue garden is mentioned in the Lonely Planet guidebook as being exceptionally unusual. A good dose of unusual was just what I needed this morning, and this place did not disappoint. Stone buddha statues are to be found all over the place, as well as various hindu deities, and a few downright oddities like a statue of some guy trying to behead a giant frog with an axe. My favorite was a towering statue of the buddha meditating with several serpents rising high above him, poised to strike. At one end of the garden was a shrine that looked more like a mosque than a buddhist temple. Inside, though, was a fairly ordinary (if a bit garish) buddhist shrine. I made a small donation and the old lady inside opened a door and offered to let me see the second and third floors. The second floor showcased mainly small statues and paintings of hindu gods. The third floor had a few more statues, photographs of the sculptor who designed the park, and... oh, what's this? A dead body. The dead, mummified body of the sculptor, preserved under glass, atop a shrine covered with Christmas lights. Ok then. So, that's Nongkhai. Nice town, may come back and spend some time here on a weekday. Now, though, I go to Laos. Ah, Laos. Beautiful women, delicious sandwiches, dark beer, and the best damn barbecue chicken in Southeast Asia. In a few short hours I will be sitting atop a deck overlooking the Mekong and just taking it all in. Don't expect to hear from me for a few days, the only internet connection in Laos is a 14.4 modem attached to a cup and some string. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 31st, 2009
4:12 pm	เซ็งว่ะ In which I answer a week's worth of those trite LJ "Writer's block" questions concisely. MAYBE THIS CAN BE A MEME. Who (or what) is your favorite fictional robot? Marvin. Happy Chinese New Year! The Year of the Ox starts today. What is your Chinese zodiac animal? Do you think you fit the description of the sign? Rooster, or maybe Dog. It's complicated. Too many LJers to list have submitted this question—what is your biggest pet peeve? Mayonnaise. Almost everyone coins or uses expressions that make sense to only a few people. What word or phrase do you use most often that you have to explain the meaning of to others? "Raspberry Lime Jelly. Seven." What celebrity would you consider changing your sexual identity for? Wait, what? I have to be gay for someone now? Fine. Ben Bernanke. Fuck you, LiveJournal. Have you ever ruined the ending or given away plot developments in a book, movie, or tv show by telling someone who hasn't seen or read it what happens? Has anyone ever done this to you? Yes, and yes. What do you want done with your body after you die? I want a traditional viking funeral, in which I am set adrift in a raft carrying my most valued treasures and weapons, as well as several casks of ale. All my friends then proceed to shoot flaming arrows at the raft from the shore, and watch my corpse burn as it drifts off to sea. Maybe we can get Dio to play the wake. (Comment on this)
Friday, December 12th, 2008
8:14 pm	Ok, so not only is this the best photo ever taken of me, I am 99% certain it is the best photo that will ever be taken of me, ever. I just can't imagine anything better. Since Bettie Page is on my mind at the moment (may she rest in peace), I'm wondering: should I do like she did, and never allow myself to be photographed again? That way this picture is how I will be remembered for all time, my awesomeness permanently enshrined. If I ever go missing or wind up dead, this is the picture that goes in the paper. If I live to be 100, this is still the photograph I get remembered by. It's definitely worth considering. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 11th, 2008
8:19 pm	Sports! Ever hear of tagaw? It's like volleyball, BUT WITH YOUR FEET. I don't know how the hell these kids can play this. I could never even kick the hackey sack more than four or five times. (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 4th, 2008
7:20 pm	So that horrible debilitating tonsilitis I had for three weeks running? Now the King's got it. What is this, some kind of super-bacteria that targets only really important people? (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 30th, 2008
9:04 pm	Man, what the hell? Can somebody look at this spam email I got and explain to me just how they expect to make money sending people stuff like this? This message was marked as junk and will be deleted after ten days. exothermal auricle‏ From: Nikolaus Brock (nikoshabroa@yahoo.com) You may not know this sender.Mark as safe|Mark as unsafe Sent: Sat 11/29/08 12:43 PM To: xxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com when they brought him word of his father's death, he did it where no one could see the tears. dried blood. More was congealing in his navel. (Comment on this)
Friday, November 28th, 2008
8:01 pm	goddam Cheetos Snack foods in Thailand: like everything else here, domestic brands are the most popular (cheapest), but certain American and Japanese brands are widely available as well. Lay's potato chips in particular are freakin' everywhere, since Frito-Lay has a factory in Thailand. Cheetos, a Frito-Lay product, are not all that popular but you can find 'em. Anyway, about a month or so back I was drinking with some of my buddies and one of them went to the convenience store next door to pick up some snacks. He came back with several bags of Cheetos. He kept calling them "Cheeto rote cheet" or "cheese flavored Cheetos," over and over again. I thought it was just some kind of stupid joke he was making, until I looked at the bag: It actually says right on there, "American Cheese Flavor." What the hell? Are there NON-Cheese flavored Cheetos? I took that picture thinking it was kind of funny and then forgot about it. Until today, when I got the answer to all my questions: "Super Hot Dog Flavor." The more you know... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 18th, 2008
3:37 pm	The bestest brats Some of you may remember this post a few months back about the little girls in Khaosan that sell roses. Quick summary if you don't feel like clicking the link (although it's worth the read): a little girl selling roses comes up to any guy sitting with women, and if he won't buy roses she calls him a ladyboy or a faggot. She then challenges the guy to thumbwar for money, and always wins. ALWAYS. There's a bunch of kids that sell roses down there actually, but here's a picture of the little girl from the story who insults the shit out of people (and has actually threatened me with physical violence on more than one occasion): Seriously, she's threatened to kick me before. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 13th, 2008
8:09 pm	How my mind works (in case you cared) Oh man what a day *scratch scratch* o_0 Dear God look at my dick. It's HERPES oh FUCK dear GOD I have THE HERPES IT'S ALL OVER relax, it's probably not herpes HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN to ME of all people WHY GOD WHY There's no reason for you to have herpes THE GOOD TIMES ARE OVER You don't get around enough to have herpes, unless your girlfriend is cheating on you THAT SLUT do you really think she's cheating on you? ... not really. Then maybe it's something else. What does it look like? Lotta red, lotta scabiness. Kinda like ringworm. Ringworm on the feet is called "Athlete's Foot." Ringworm on or near the genitals is called "Jock Itch." Sooooo... Tinactin it? Right. The pharmacy is closed. It will be open in two hours No time. I'm searching the internet for "home remedies." Every reputable page says to just buy some damn Tinactin Look! This kid says Listerine works! For the love of God don't do that It's on the internet! Gotta work! *SPLASH* AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH WHY DID YOU DO THAT YOU FUCK MONKEY Holy shit it burns like minty freshness why did I do that FUCK FUCK FUCK RFUCKCKUDJK Now my balls are as minty fresh and tingly as can be You just poured Listerine on your dick because some kid on the internet told you to. That is some shit Mike Landis would have done as a joke. You are an asshole. Man, I should call Mike Landis. I haven't talked to him in a year. It is 3 AM there *beep beep boop* Hey is this Mike Landis? "Yes" Have you ever heard of Jock Itch? It's like Athlete's Foot, but on your dick. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 23rd, 2008
12:00 am	The internet in Thailand Have I mentioned the internet sucks in Thailand? Yeah, so I didn't get as many pictures up on the website as I planned. I'll do it tomorrow. Maybe. Or maybe I'll just drink beer. No promises. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 21st, 2008
10:17 pm	I will be updating my photo page significantly tomorrow. Did I ever link to that thing on here? I don't know. http://gallery.blonskiweb.com/v/Andy/ is the good stuff. Anyway, I tweaked some stuff a little bit tonight, pretty much everything on there is captioned that's going to be, and tomorrow I'll probably upload a buttload of pictures. NOT THAT YOU PEOPLE CARE /angst (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 17th, 2008
10:04 pm	Awesome So when I was visiting my girlfriend's family in Surin I flipped through some old family photo albums they had lying around. Turns out the early 90's were pretty sweet in Thailand too. She's the one front center with the goofy vest on. So Saved By the Bell. Also note the Michael Jackson poster. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 16th, 2008
10:21 pm	Just donated 50 bucks to Obama. Turns out I may not get to vote because there's something wrong with my registration and they wouldn't send me an absentee ballot. Trying to get that resolved, but I'm not too optimistic. Obama will carry California anyway no problem, but I figured I should throw in a couple bucks to help him flood dumbass Florida and Ohio with as many ads as possible to try to clinch this thing. I am broke as shit right now but this is pretty important and if any of you can afford even a little bit you should consider donating. Seriously, if McCain wins we are fucked. Either he will attack Iran and start World War 3 or he will die a month into office William Henry Harrison style. I don't think I need to explain that Sarah Palin is no John Tyler. That's all I've got to say on the subject until the election happens. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 10th, 2008
9:44 pm	Shopping on the cheap in Southeast Asia! So you're in Southeast Asia, and you need some new threads. Assuming you aren't particularly tall or fat or large-breasted, plenty of good clothes are to be had. Not just generic clothes and designer knock-offs either; you can actually get genuine brand name garments on the cheap if you know where to look. "Oh Andrew," I hear you all say, "you are so naive! That GAP shirt you bought for four dollars is OBVIOUSLY a knock-off. You've been hella duped!" First of all, shut up. Secondly, consider this: A good way to determine any retail store's markup on its goods is the employee discount. Example: Target sells stuff for cheap, and relies on selling a LOT of shit to make money. When I worked there the employee discount was ten percent. This reflects the profit margin. When I worked at Gamestop the employee discount was twenty percent, which is approximately the profit margin on a new game. I knew I guy who was a manager at the Gap. At the time he worked there, the employee discount was 70 percent. Assuming the discount leaves a little bit of breathing room, that thirty dollar shirt probably only cost the store about four bucks. Factor in shipping costs etc. and YES PEOPLE IN SOUTHEAST ASIA CAN SELL YOU A GAP SHIRT FOR FOUR BUCKS AND MAKE A PROFIT. Ok, so now that we have that out of the way, where do you go to find the stuff? Malls. Department stores. The scruffy dude with the Versace handbags in the back of his pickup truck may not be reliable. I don't need to explain this. Coming around to my most important point: is there an absolutely failsafe way to distinguish counterfeit goods from the genuine article? Yes. In fact, I'm going to tell it to you, and you are going to say, "Oh, that was goddamn obvious. Why didn't I think of that?" Check the label. Where was this article of clothing manufactured? Shitty picture, sorry. If you squint, you may be able to make out "Made in Vietnam" on that label. This is a real Structure shirt (yes I know Structure is owned by Sears now so it's not that impressive. Shut up, you're missing my point). If the shirt's label says it's made in Vietnam, or Indonesia, or Cambodia, you are dealing with the general article. No knock-off will admit to being made in Cambodia. All knock-offs come from Italy. There are no exceptions to this rule. Ray-Ban sunglasses. Italy in Design. 50 baht. ROCK. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 9th, 2008
9:47 pm	Seriously, England? First off, I'm not trying to be hard on England here. I've never been there, but most people I've met from England seem decent enough (two exceptions: a pompous old windbag in my TEFL class that fit all the stereotypes, and also some drunk guy in Bangkok who tried to start a fight with me just because I'm American). Keep in mind this is meant as constructive criticism. The circumstances are not important, but suffice it to say I recently saw a 20 pound note for the first time. For your edification, here is an image of both sides, shamelessly ganked from wherever: The front side is nice enough. The note is a pleasing color, and conveys all the important information. There's a picture of the Queen. Current and former heads of state are definitely appropriate images to place on currency. No problems here. Now, the reverse. The image isn't particularly hi-res, so if you can't make it out, I'll tell you what it depicts. "The division of labour in pin manufacturing: (and the great increase in the quantity of work that results)" England, we need to talk. What were you thinking on this one? You are playing into ALL the stereotypes. The absurd dullness I don't even need to mention. More importantly, what's with the weird Industrial Revolution vibe? Right now I am envisioning England as being nothing more than a send up of a Dickens novel. Accountants greedily stack coins in dark offices while discussing efficiency of labour amongst themselves. Young boys in oversized vests and tattered fisherman's caps, their faces smudged with grease and dirt, ask for more porridge under a coal-blackened sky. Men slave away 18 hours a day in the pin factory to avoid a dire fate in debtor's prison. Come on, England. You can do better. So you didn't want to just show a monument. I get that. You wanted to represent an event or a period in history perhaps. But you should not have allowed John Cleese to pick what went on the back of your money. MORE FITTING TOPICS FOR THE REVERSE OF THE TWENTY POUND NOTE: 927: King Athelstan unites all of England under one rule. 1606: Gunpowder plot foiled, Guy Fawkes executed. 1348: The Black Death arrives in England. 1999: Manchester United wins the Premiership, the Champion's League, and the FA cup for a treble championship. 1986: David Bowie appears in "Labryinth." 1998: Sir Elton John knighted. 1976: Steve Jones calls Bill Grundy a dirty fucker on live television. 1592: Critics universally deride William Shakespeare's new play "Titus Andronicus." 1976: David Bowie does full frontal nudity in "The Man Who Fell to Earth." This is only a partial list of things that would be better fitted to the reverse of the twenty pound note. England, feel free to use any of them. I know I was supposed to talk about how to tell real designer clothes from fakes today, but this was too important. I'll get to that tomorrow. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 8th, 2008
8:41 pm	Swear to god actual taxi conversation in Bangkok.(apologies for horrible romanization of Thai words) "Bpai Nai?" Where are you going? "KhaoSan." "Ok." "Speak Thai dai bao?" Can you speak Thai? "Poot dai nit noy krup." A little bit. "Ah. Mee fan kon Thai chai mai?" You have a Thai girlfriend? "Mee krup." Yep. "Suay mai?" She pretty? "Suay krup." Yeah. "Mee look yang?" You have any kids yet? "Yang, mai mee. Koon mee mai?" No, not yet. You have any? "Mee song." I have two. pause. "Mee song mia." I have two wives. I laugh at this. The driver thinks maybe I misunderstood, and repeats himself. "Mee song mia." "You must be very tired all the time." He looks confused, and I try to say it in Thai, but I'm laughing too hard. He still seems to think I don't believe him. "Mee mia yoo Krungthep, mee mia yoo Nong Khai." I've got a wife in Bangkok, and a wife in Nong Khai." "Sip Yod!" Awesome! "Me geek gee kon?" How many women on the side you have? "Mai mee." I don't have any. "Mee fan neung diaow law?" You've only got one girlfriend? "Neung diaow krub." Yeah, just the one. "Tum mai?" Why? I pause for a minute, thinking. "Mai mee dtung." I don't have any money. Actually I probably wouldn't be running around on this girl even if I did have money, but I thought it was a funny answer. Tomorrow: How to tell real designer clothes from counterfeit knock-offs! Guaranteed! Current Mood: amused (2 Comments |Comment on this)